This week’s blog is about feelings of inadequacy. I am not perfect, I am just human like everybody else. Sometimes I have days when things are not going so well. I just can’t put my finger on what’s wrong. I don’t know if I don’t feel good physically or if my mood is bad.

 

It could be one of those days when I talk to a friend or sometimes I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I could go shopping – “retail therapy” – but I have a challenge going on so that’s not an option.☹️ I could talk to my husband, but sometimes that doesn’t fix it either.

 

 

Cards
I just went to Hallmark and bought some cards – Father’s Day, Birthday and a couple of Sympathy cards. You know, these are some tough times. They are also happy times, but the suicides of a couple of famous people reminded me of friends of mine who took their own lives.

 

Even though I bought cards for happy occasions, I was also overwhelmingly sad. Finding cards for my friends whose loved ones are no longer here, was almost unbearable. I started tearing up in the store. (Yes, Pat, I am a softy.) That sense of loss has got to be terrible for them. Whether it happens naturally, is an accident or suicide it doesn’t matter. Not to have that person walking the earth anymore really wipes me out.

 

The good part is remembering the happiness that person brought into our lives. Sometimes we remember the strangest things (like that one facial expression!) other times it’s their smile, their laugh, their voice, their dimples, their hard work, dedication, and even their love of life!

 

 

Signs
Many of us know the signs of suicide risk, which can be hard to read. But when it happens to people who are close to us, we just don’t understand. Suicide Prevention Tips

 

But the truth of the matter is people can be, from time to time, in a really dark place. Whether it’s medication, life circumstances or the person has just had enough. For many individuals, life is overwhelming with no end in sight or it may simply be when something goes wrong, he or she is waiting for something else to go wrong (the other shoe to fall). (By the way, the other shoe doesn’t ever really have to fall.)

 

 

What Can I Do?
How do we tell people we love them, we care for them, and we’re willing to shoulder whatever they put on us even if we’re not really that close?

 

I don’t know if it’s just our nature, but I think we should care. Some of us may struggle with what to do, others just naturally know how to help. Here’s what I have learned and what helps me feel like I’m doing something when at times it seems I can’t help the person:


Give love.
Share.
Find someone to talk to.
Seek professional help – psychologist, counselor, etc.
(A professional can help you know how best to engage with someone struggling.)
Listen and let friends talk, without interpreting.

Don’t share the clichés or platitudes – be loving and transparent.

 

If we could’ve only told the person whatever they needed to hear. I mean, we could have written it or engraved it or sent it or spoke it or whispered it or I don’t know just thought it enough to get it into their consciousness because now there’s nothing we can do to help.

 

 

Self-Care
We can:
  Read an inspirational book,
  Play your favorite game,
  Look at TV shows  or movies that make us laugh out loud or
  Do something until that time passes.

 

There is a verse that says there’s a season or time for everything. And maybe this sensation or happening is just that season of slowing down, not necessarily taking stock of things, but just slowing down and taking things a bit easier.

 

 

What Counts?
What song(s) do you put on to cheer you up?
What dance(s) do you do?
What action(s) do you take?
Can you help someone else, go for a walk outside, sit quietly, exercise, call a friend to cheer them up or try something new.

 

And after doing that, I started a blog about Breast Cancer, Healing & Body Image. Sometimes, you just have to look on the inside to get what you need. I think that’s all part of “what to say or do” – but sometimes – I just have no words.

 

“Sunshine, blue skies, please go away.” –  (Rodger Penzabene) Temptations

Pretend

Dr. Harriette

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